Me through the ages.
I decided to make this mini-timeline to show the progress of my transition through the years (about 8½ years, to be exact). Captions on the pictures give a little more detail.
The first picture is early 2006, at the height of my punk phase. I knew at this point that I was trans (note the shaved armpits) and not really heterosexual, but I was not out about either fact to anyone. I don’t know exactly when I came out about being bi, but looking through old emails, my girlfriend at the time said, “It’s a good thing you don’t like other guys […] lol.” So at this point I must not have been out. I suppose I can thank good ol’ heteronormative Smalltown, USA for that. The musculature I had going on in high school was fuckin’ baNANAS LOOK AT MY SHOULDERS LOOK AT MY SIX-PACK LOOK AT THE V-CUT JESUS CHRIST.
The second picture is late 2009, when I finally broke down and realized my dysphoria was getting steadily worse. I had been cutting myself for a couple years, and I was cobbling together a tiny wardrobe of girls clothes that I’d sit around my house in on my worst days. It was around this time I decided my hair was the easiest thing for me to control, and growing it out would make me feel a little better about the way I looked. I posted this picture on a trans support forum with the following caption:
1. grow hair out
2. buy girl clothes
3. stumble out of the closet, in trademark style
4. seek therapy
Steps three and four ended up switching. I’ve never been one to stick to the plan.
The third picture is late 2013, and if you run through my transition tag you’ll see some other pictures from that set. It was just after my breaking point. Just after the few weeks where the thoughts of killing myself were bubbling up every day. It was a couple of weeks after I came out to my parents. The day that I finally got my prescription filled and got my first injection of Estradiol.
The last picture is me today, right when I started writing this post. the muscle mass I once had is going away, I’m already wearing a 32B, and I’ve got a mane that can give Hermione Granger a run for her money on a muggy day. I go by Whitney everywhere outside of work, And I’m talking with my supervisors to figure out exactly when and how would be best for me to transition at work. There are 230 employees at my store, and I see almost every one of them on a daily basis. So We’ve got to figure out exactly how to go about things. But I’ve got the support of my supervisors, Corporate, and a few coworkers who’ve become my friends. Not to mention the backing of a pretty robust anti-discrimination policy that specifically protects people for their gender identity and expression. I’m about to be full-time, and I couldn’t be happier.
Even though a few of the changes aren’t super apparent to me (I still see precisely the same face in the mirror, but other people disagree), I still see just how far I’ve progressed in these pictures. I know how much before/after sets kept my hope alive when I was at my most dysphoric, and I hope if I can provide anything with this set, it’s a little bit of that hope to other people who might be struggling with their gender identity or dysphoria.
you might feel like there’s no hope. You might feel like you’re too muscular to be girly, too curvy to be macho, too much like any gender to pull off that perfect androgynous balance that you want to be. But in all honesty, you probably aren’t. It might take some searching to find the way that suits you best, but there’s a way.
Somewhere out there, there’s a way.
Hey everybody this is my girlfriend and she’s amazing and wonderful and I love her and if you disagree you caN FIGht mE.